From Scratch

I've been Mr. Mom (Old Guy Reference Alert!) for the week while my wife is up in Seattle either a) working very hard or b) raising her second family.  And as a quick aside, let me just say that single parenthood sucks it. I have an unbelievable level of respect for those parents that are doing it on their own. After three days (going on seems like a month), I'm kind of ready for the missus to come home. And by kind of ready, I mean, PLEASE COME HOME!

And I'm not even really that good at it. I haven't read the official Single Dad Handbook, but I just have a sense of these things. Last night, for dinner, I asked the kids if they wanted a 100 Grand Bar, or a Whatchamacallit Bar. Being wise kids, they went with both, but man, when they were still running around the house full-tilt at midnight, I was really wishing I had been smarter and only let them have one.

Tonight we did a little better. I actually used the oven to make them a pizza (the Costco cheese pizza is a big hit with the ankle biters). And I decided to make myself something, aside from something that had already been made that I just needed to heat up.

So I went with the chicken pot pie (okay, that's not really making something, but I finally didn't use the microwave). Or maybe it was a turkey pot pie. Some kind of poultry. Now I don't know about you, but I can't think of the poultry pot pie without thinking of "The Breakfast Club." So after tossing around a few Judd Nelson lines (Old Guy Reference Alert #2), I tossed a couple of those bad boys in the oven. And then noticed on the box that the crust was "Made From Scratch!"

Which made me wonder two things. First, really? Second, what exactly does "made from scratch" mean?

I went to the internets (official slogan "Now Only 97% Porn!") and found out this: "Its use in cooking means "from ordinary cooking ingredients that have not been pre-mixed or otherwise specially processed." Obviously sugar, flour, baking soda and the like are the result of a long process which is the culmination of the history of agriculture and of chemistry and God-knows-what. But sugar, etc., are "ordinary cooking ingredients.""

So that's interesting. But then I started to think...so the box (one of probably 10s of thousands made that day) says "made from scratch," but clearly by "made" they mean "a machine dropped all the ingredients into a giant vat which was then molested by another machine until the crust was finished." Or rather, that's what is REALLY meant, but what the box wants me to think is that a cute old lady pulled the ingredients out of her pantry and whipped up the dough 'specially for me, using her favorite rolling pin and letting her littlest granddaughter help out.  But I'm old and therefore was not born yesterday and therefore know that the box is full of shit.

Really, why bother? I'm already eating a poultry pot pie...its got enough sodium to make my heart question the wisdom of my decision ("hey, brain, are you SURE?") and ends up tasting only slightly better than absolutely nothing. Knowing that, I'm still going to eat it. So, seriously box, you don't need to convince me that grandma approves.

Anyway, I should probably go...I left the kids in their room practicing starting and putting out fires and there's a 50/50 chance it might not work out that well.