For Thanksgiving this year, I was in the Columbia River Gorge, and for those of you that are not from Oregon, basically the Gorge is the worst weather area in all of the state. This year, the weather was fine everywhere but where I was. Where I was, there was sleet, freezing rain, a bit of snow, a few UFO landings, the earth opened up and consumed some sinners, etc. etc. So I was all set to go to the big game against Arizona, but unfortunately, the weather did not agree and I was stuck. On the upside, my in-laws finally got the cable and I was able to watch the game. Which is way better than a few years ago when I had to act out a Duck game with household items. That year, fortunately, even though squeaky newspaper roll dog toy rushed for 150 yards, the throw pillow offensive line made a big late game stop, and the salami appetizer threw a last second TD pass to win the game. It was one of the greatest Duck wins in history. And yes, I am a total sad loser, why do you ask?
Onward
As I said, I wasn’t able to make it to the game in Eugene this weekend, which initially disappointed me, but at some point in the second half, as my father in law made me my second scotch old-fashioned, and I was in my slippers, dry and warm (inside and out), I realized it wasn’t all bad. Especially after the second half started. At kickoff of the second half, the Ducks were down 19-14. A minute and a half later, Ducks were up 1. Then, in a flurry to finish the third quarter and start the fourth, the Ducks scored 28 and the rout was on. The Ducks beat Arizona 48-29 and now one game stands between Oregon and a chance at the National Championship. And it’s the Civil War. Have I mentioned, ugh? Ugh.
On the other hand, OSU. What the hell? You would say they quit, but they never even showed up. Coach Mike Riley said the Beavers were done when Stanford converted their first third down play...which was THREE PLAYS INTO THE GAME! The score was still 0-0! Maybe the Beavs were looking past Stanford to the upcoming Biggest Civil War Game Ever, but usually when one team looks past another, they suffer a tough loss. This wasn't a tough loss, this was a massacre. Beavs got lambasted by Stanford 38-0 and it was more embarrassing than that. On more than one occasion, I honestly looked away because I felt bad for the Beavers. Fumbles, interceptions, bad play calling, blown defensive assignments. Aside from rolling onto their backs and exposing their necks, they did everything else to show they didn't belong on the field. And I am rough on the team because, the last half decade or so (at least), the Beavers have shown they are a resilient, boot straps kind of team (as clichey as that is). But this game, they would have done better to not even physically show up. I don't know what it says about the Civil War, but Beaver fans should be pissed.
Not as pissed as UCLA fans, though. Holy crap. I believe we're in Year Three of the Neuheisel era and you hear things like "trying to find their identity" and "looking for consistency on offense" and "oh my god, we suck so bad" and you wonder when this whole UCLA is Back! thing is actually going to happen. It certainly wasn't this year, as generally, UCLA was train wrecky. They had their moments, like beating Texas, but then everyone beat Texas and that moment kind of went away. Instead, they were left with the carnage of losing 55-34 to ASU, after being up 17-0 and knocking out ASU's starting QB. But back-up ASU QB Brock Osweiler (bringing the number of back up QBs in the Pac 10 named Brock to a nation-leading two) came in and threw for 380 (!) yards and four touchdowns (!). So...UCLA...no bowl, rebuilding (again), with no hope in sight. At least you have basketball...oh, wait (lost recently to VCU (note, not a made up school)).
Speaking of backups named Brock, I'm guessing Cal fans wouldn't mind if Handsome Brock Mansion went ahead and pursued that male modeling career right now. Mansion threw 12 completions for a robust 92 yards (a 4.0 yard per completion rate, if my abacus is correct) and one interception. While that is pretty good...okay, it's not. So it should come as no surprise that Cal lost to Washington 16-13 (sounds like a GREAT game). There was a downpour, Cal had 7 penalties, both teams went 4-14 on 3rd downs. Just a fun game all around, if by fun you mean sharp objects shoved in your ear...and who doesn't think of that when it comes to fun?
Also not that fun, Notre Dame beat USC. There was quite a bit of rain in this game as well, and most of the players on USC acted like they'd never seen the stuff before. Balls bouncing off their chests, players falling down, one guy got his face dirty, just bedlam out there. Thanks to the Fighting Irish beating the Trojans, 20-16, we got to read a whole slew of articles about how Notre Dame football is back and how they're moving in the right direction and how a BCS bowl game is coming right up for them. Also, this is the first time Notre Dame is over .500 in four years, so those expectations seem realistic. Listen, you barely beat a USC team that quit about five games ago. USC lost on the road to Oregon State, the same Beaver team that got rocked by the Washington State Cougars. Notre Dame is going to the Champs Bowl or something like that. So it's great that the Irish beat USC for the first time in 8 years and reclaimed the Jewelled Shillelagh (note, not made up), but let's settle down a bit, mmm-kay? Let's beat, say, USC AND Navy in the same year and then we'll talk. Or USC and Tulsa. Or play more than four road games in a year. Or next year I'm referring to you as the Notre Dame Delusional Irish. Crazy bastards, sheesh.
Shout Outs
No normal shout outs today, as Augustana is all done with football (on to Soap Box Derby!) and ND, as alluded to above, beat USC, so instead I'll take this opportunity to pile on to Boise State. I would almost feel sorry for Boise State, if not for the fact that I hate them. Boise State is like a child star on TV. At first, they were cute and precocious. Aww, the got to play in the Fiesta Bowl...and hey, they're really good. That was quite the game. Then, as they entered uncomfortable puberty, they stopped being as cute and football fans turned to the equivalent of (old guy reference alert!) Cousin Oliver (awww...TCU is so cute). Then Boise stomped around like a spoiled brat ("I'm the STAR! I DESERVE this!") until, like most fading stars, they ended up hitting rock bottom (losing to Nevada 34-31 after their kicker shanked two chip shots) and now are left with fading memories of the glory years and a nasty heroin addiction (okay, that's a stretch). Anyway, now Boise gets to go the the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl (apparently fighting hunger with Mac n' Cheese and Triscuits) and next year joins the Mountain West (the same Mountain West that lost BYU football to independence, TCU to the Big East, Utah to the Pac 10/12 and has no national television contract). In other words, they've skipped right past the horrible reunion show and are straight to knocking off a dry cleaners. Bronco fever...catch it!
Recapper's Pac 10 Power Rankings
1. Oregon – It still feels unreal. One win away from a chance at the National Championship? Worst case, they go to the Rose Bowl? Really?
2. Stanford – Thanks to BSU, Stanford gets a shot at a BCS bowl game. The 500 fans that show up will be psyched
3. Arizona – Only because everyone else in the league sucks it
4. USC – Sucks it
5. Washington – Sucks it more
6. OSU – Yep, sucks it
7. ASU – And…sucks it
8. Cal – No bowl this year because they suck it
9. UCLA – I’m pretty sure everyone thought, by now, the UCLA would not be sucking it
10. WSU – No reward for being the team that sucks it the most
Ass Handers
OSU for whatever the hell that was in Palo Alto. Good grief.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving
First off, happy Thanksgiving to everyone...my six followers and those of you that stop by to see what's what. I give thanks today for a happy family, my health, and the fact that my in-laws finally have a dish. Previous holidays I've been subjected to a lot of public television, horrible local news broadcasts, or truly bizarre cable access television (the good people of the Columbia River Gorge are...um...different. Creepy religious puppet shows...ugh).
At my age, I have a love/hate relationship with Thanksgiving. Back in my youth, I'd be able to eat enough to change the gravitational pull around me. Just lucky I never celebrated Thanksgiving at the coast, otherwise I would probably have caused a tsunami. As it was, I got hit by my fair share of comets.
Now, I'm not able to eat much more than a plate or a plate and a half of food before I'm so full I can't even move. Few years ago, I felt so full I was afraid I'd bust through my clothes like a fat pink Hulk. And Fat Pink Hulk...not strong, can not smash. But can moan and/or groan. So as much as I love the food, I have to eat less than the population of a small city. Which sucks. Chalk that up as reason number 1,287 that getting older sucks it.
Anyway, I'm off to give thanks to chocolate cake and NFL football. I hope you all enjoyed the holiday.
At my age, I have a love/hate relationship with Thanksgiving. Back in my youth, I'd be able to eat enough to change the gravitational pull around me. Just lucky I never celebrated Thanksgiving at the coast, otherwise I would probably have caused a tsunami. As it was, I got hit by my fair share of comets.
Now, I'm not able to eat much more than a plate or a plate and a half of food before I'm so full I can't even move. Few years ago, I felt so full I was afraid I'd bust through my clothes like a fat pink Hulk. And Fat Pink Hulk...not strong, can not smash. But can moan and/or groan. So as much as I love the food, I have to eat less than the population of a small city. Which sucks. Chalk that up as reason number 1,287 that getting older sucks it.
Anyway, I'm off to give thanks to chocolate cake and NFL football. I hope you all enjoyed the holiday.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Pac 10 Recap, week 12, 2010
By this time in the season, things in the Pac 10 should be pretty clear. Most teams are who we think they are by now. We know who is good, we know who isn't so good, we know who's lousy. Bowl games are pretty close to being settled on, and only a few things here and there need to be settled. This season...not so much. For example, Oregon wins their next two games, they're in the National Championship game (woo!). They lose their next two, they probably play in the Holiday Bowl (boooo!). Right now, only three teams are eligible for bowl games (Stanford, Oregon, Arizona). If Oregon State wins one more game, they go to a bowl game. Washington and UCLA need to win out to go to a bowl, Cal needs to win 1 (at Washington) to go to a bowl. ASU, even if they finish with six wins, won't go to a bowl game because they have two wins against Division II teams, and only one of those count (last recap I think I referenced that ASU still had bowl-hopes, but I was wrong...which increases my wrong rate to close to 90%). It's ridiculous how up in the air everything is right now, and there's only a few more weeks left.
Guess what I'm trying to say is...the Pac 10 gives me a headache. Have I mentioned that already?
Onward
You know what USC Trojans hate? Shrimp. Also, Corvallis. Since 2006, it's been pretty much a guarantee...Trojans come to lovely, wonderful, orangey Corvallis and they get boat-raced. Two years ago, it was the Jacquizz Rodgers, Who the Hell is the Shrimpy Guy? Show. This year, OSU has definitely not lived up to expectations, and the Trojans, well, everyone knows what's up with them. Still, Beaver Nation, the unbelievably annoyingly-named fan base, wasn't feeling so good about the outcome of this one. But even before Trojan starting QB Matt Barkely went down with an injury, this was a rout, as OSU beat the snot out of USC, 36-7. I am not nearly smart enough to figure out why the Trojans come to Corvallis and lose every time (or at least the last three times), I just know that the happiest people in the world are probably USC fans, since the Trojans don't come back to Corvallis until 2013, because of the new weird Pac 12 conference schedule. And I have no clue what this says about the Beavers. They've lost to bad teams in the Pac 10 and beat good ones. They beat Stanford at Stanford next week and holy crap the Civil War is gonna be more stressful than, I imagine, the actual Civil War was. Or at least, AS stressful. Probably.
Six teams in the Pac 10 played last weekend and three of them got crushed. USC, above, and also Cal, who, after a big game against Oregon, almost pulling off the upset, had to be feeling good about Stanford, until the game started, and then not so much. Cal was the crushee, losing the Stanford 48-14. I think it's safe to say that Cal, despite the close game against Oregon, just isn't that good. However, they do have Handsome Brock Mansion as their quarterback. With a name like Brock Mansion, you know that he's handsome. He has to be. I imagine that Brock Mansion will finish his college career, handsomely, and then instantly go into acting, landing a plum role on one of the few remaining daytime soap operas, playing, you guessed it, Brock Mansion.
So UCLA. Ugh. A chance to go to sucky Washington and solidify yourselves as a bowl-bound team. Or, the Bruins could choose to get beat by the Huskies 24-7. UCLA, naturally, went with option B. "Golden Boy" Jake Locker threw for 68 dynamic yards; the two teams combined for 15 penalties for 165 total yards (in fact, the Bruins had 163 total yards of offense (and used THREE quarterbacks) and had 99 total yards in penalties. So through the miracle of math, UCLA had only 64 yards of going forward offense. Which is awesome). Speaking of the three quarterbacks for UCLA, they went a COMBINED 6 of 25 for 55 passing yards and 3 interceptions. Also awesome. Remember when Neuheisel came to UCLA and everyone thought it'd just be a matter of time before they were just as good as USC and he was an offensive guru and he'd groom quarterbacks to play in the NFL and how they have genius Rich Cho as their offensive coordinator and UCLA was gonna be awesome? This is definitely not the awesome they had in mind, I'm thinking.
Oregon, Arizona State, Washington State and Arizona all had byes.
Shout Outs
Notre Dame can beat Army, that's for sure. They did it again this year, this time in Yankee Stadium (for some reason...in fact, two college football games were held in Major League baseball stadiums, but unlike Wrigley, Yankee stadium was big enough for a whole football field). Anyway, Irish beat Army 27-3 and are now bowl eligible. One more win and they're 7 and 5 and I assume, will play in a BCS bowl. If they lose, and are only 6-6, I'm guessing they take their ball and go home, much like the grumpy pants did last year.
Recapper's Pac 10 Power Rankings
1. Oregon – Two wins away from National Championship. I'm officially nervous
2. Stanford – As one of my co-workers said, the best 1 loss team in the country
3. Arizona - The only other Pac 10 team officially in a bowl game
4. OSU - Up and down season, up and down my rankings
5. USC - Definitively a middle of the pack team
6. Cal - Because the teams after them suck more
7. Washington - A big jump, completely arbitrary, but they could go to a bowl still
8. UCLA - A hot mess, but could still eek out a bowl
9. ASU - Out of the bowl hunt, but could still make it to .500. Could Erickson really be back next year?
10. WSU - Bad
Ass Hander's Award
Last week, the Beavers won the award for getting throttled at home by WSU. This week, the Beavers cause USC to "win" it by throttling the Trojans at home. If that doesn't sum up this season, I don't now what does.
Guess what I'm trying to say is...the Pac 10 gives me a headache. Have I mentioned that already?
Onward
You know what USC Trojans hate? Shrimp. Also, Corvallis. Since 2006, it's been pretty much a guarantee...Trojans come to lovely, wonderful, orangey Corvallis and they get boat-raced. Two years ago, it was the Jacquizz Rodgers, Who the Hell is the Shrimpy Guy? Show. This year, OSU has definitely not lived up to expectations, and the Trojans, well, everyone knows what's up with them. Still, Beaver Nation, the unbelievably annoyingly-named fan base, wasn't feeling so good about the outcome of this one. But even before Trojan starting QB Matt Barkely went down with an injury, this was a rout, as OSU beat the snot out of USC, 36-7. I am not nearly smart enough to figure out why the Trojans come to Corvallis and lose every time (or at least the last three times), I just know that the happiest people in the world are probably USC fans, since the Trojans don't come back to Corvallis until 2013, because of the new weird Pac 12 conference schedule. And I have no clue what this says about the Beavers. They've lost to bad teams in the Pac 10 and beat good ones. They beat Stanford at Stanford next week and holy crap the Civil War is gonna be more stressful than, I imagine, the actual Civil War was. Or at least, AS stressful. Probably.
Six teams in the Pac 10 played last weekend and three of them got crushed. USC, above, and also Cal, who, after a big game against Oregon, almost pulling off the upset, had to be feeling good about Stanford, until the game started, and then not so much. Cal was the crushee, losing the Stanford 48-14. I think it's safe to say that Cal, despite the close game against Oregon, just isn't that good. However, they do have Handsome Brock Mansion as their quarterback. With a name like Brock Mansion, you know that he's handsome. He has to be. I imagine that Brock Mansion will finish his college career, handsomely, and then instantly go into acting, landing a plum role on one of the few remaining daytime soap operas, playing, you guessed it, Brock Mansion.
So UCLA. Ugh. A chance to go to sucky Washington and solidify yourselves as a bowl-bound team. Or, the Bruins could choose to get beat by the Huskies 24-7. UCLA, naturally, went with option B. "Golden Boy" Jake Locker threw for 68 dynamic yards; the two teams combined for 15 penalties for 165 total yards (in fact, the Bruins had 163 total yards of offense (and used THREE quarterbacks) and had 99 total yards in penalties. So through the miracle of math, UCLA had only 64 yards of going forward offense. Which is awesome). Speaking of the three quarterbacks for UCLA, they went a COMBINED 6 of 25 for 55 passing yards and 3 interceptions. Also awesome. Remember when Neuheisel came to UCLA and everyone thought it'd just be a matter of time before they were just as good as USC and he was an offensive guru and he'd groom quarterbacks to play in the NFL and how they have genius Rich Cho as their offensive coordinator and UCLA was gonna be awesome? This is definitely not the awesome they had in mind, I'm thinking.
Oregon, Arizona State, Washington State and Arizona all had byes.
Shout Outs
Notre Dame can beat Army, that's for sure. They did it again this year, this time in Yankee Stadium (for some reason...in fact, two college football games were held in Major League baseball stadiums, but unlike Wrigley, Yankee stadium was big enough for a whole football field). Anyway, Irish beat Army 27-3 and are now bowl eligible. One more win and they're 7 and 5 and I assume, will play in a BCS bowl. If they lose, and are only 6-6, I'm guessing they take their ball and go home, much like the grumpy pants did last year.
Recapper's Pac 10 Power Rankings
1. Oregon – Two wins away from National Championship. I'm officially nervous
2. Stanford – As one of my co-workers said, the best 1 loss team in the country
3. Arizona - The only other Pac 10 team officially in a bowl game
4. OSU - Up and down season, up and down my rankings
5. USC - Definitively a middle of the pack team
6. Cal - Because the teams after them suck more
7. Washington - A big jump, completely arbitrary, but they could go to a bowl still
8. UCLA - A hot mess, but could still eek out a bowl
9. ASU - Out of the bowl hunt, but could still make it to .500. Could Erickson really be back next year?
10. WSU - Bad
Ass Hander's Award
Last week, the Beavers won the award for getting throttled at home by WSU. This week, the Beavers cause USC to "win" it by throttling the Trojans at home. If that doesn't sum up this season, I don't now what does.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Snow-mageddon
The big Arctic Blast of Ought 10 (wait, that's not right...) hit earlier tonight, and as forecast, it was a humdinger. If your definition of humdinger is a dusting of snow, temperatures at barely freezing, and roadways devoid of anything but water.
Hell, "dusting" is being generous. It's like a sneezing of snow. A detritus of snow. I feel like saying gesundheit to Mother Nature.
The way the local news was talking today, I fully expected to be in the grip of snowy anarchy, where the law of survival of the fittest applied. I thought we'd need to be keeping our lights out so that the marauding bands of survivors of Snow-megeddon wouldn't be attracted to signs of human life. Heck, as a precaution, I already ate one of my cats. That...did not go over well with the wife. AND, in case you're curious, cats do NOT taste like chicken.
While I'm ashamed of my Feline Reuben (1,000 Island Dressing makes anything taste better), I'm not nearly as ashamed as the local weather people should feel. Seriously, those guys wouldn't get the weather right if they were standing outside. I want that job: zero expectation of being correct, make sure you laugh at stupid jokes told by the anchors, and be able to work the green screen. Only in America!
So take the boiling water off the stove, put away the bag of rice you bought from Costco for Y2K and settle down. Nothing to see here.
Hell, "dusting" is being generous. It's like a sneezing of snow. A detritus of snow. I feel like saying gesundheit to Mother Nature.
The way the local news was talking today, I fully expected to be in the grip of snowy anarchy, where the law of survival of the fittest applied. I thought we'd need to be keeping our lights out so that the marauding bands of survivors of Snow-megeddon wouldn't be attracted to signs of human life. Heck, as a precaution, I already ate one of my cats. That...did not go over well with the wife. AND, in case you're curious, cats do NOT taste like chicken.
While I'm ashamed of my Feline Reuben (1,000 Island Dressing makes anything taste better), I'm not nearly as ashamed as the local weather people should feel. Seriously, those guys wouldn't get the weather right if they were standing outside. I want that job: zero expectation of being correct, make sure you laugh at stupid jokes told by the anchors, and be able to work the green screen. Only in America!
So take the boiling water off the stove, put away the bag of rice you bought from Costco for Y2K and settle down. Nothing to see here.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Oden out
Listen, I'm no sage, or some grand, brainy sports guy. I like what I like, and while I generally loathe the NBA, I do follow my hometown Portland Trailblazers. So the news that just broke that Greg Oden is out with ANOTHER knee surgery is just ridiculous. I mean, how many knees does this guy have? I thought he already had surgeries on both knees.
Seriously, though, I feel bad for the guy, but as a fan of the Blazers, I can't believe how quickly this team went south. Beginning of last year, everyone was talking about a special team, a run deep into the playoffs, maybe a year or so away from contending for a title. Now, they are contending for jack and shit.
Sad day for fans of the team. This with the news that Brandon Roy has the knees of a ninety year old, and it's a dark day to be a Blazers' fan.
Seriously, though, I feel bad for the guy, but as a fan of the Blazers, I can't believe how quickly this team went south. Beginning of last year, everyone was talking about a special team, a run deep into the playoffs, maybe a year or so away from contending for a title. Now, they are contending for jack and shit.
Sad day for fans of the team. This with the news that Brandon Roy has the knees of a ninety year old, and it's a dark day to be a Blazers' fan.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Pac 10 Recap, week 11, 2010
In November of 2008, Barack Obama was elected to the presidency of the United States, becoming the first black man to hold that post. Also in 2008, everyone was talking about the Somali pirates, bailouts for the Big Three US automakers and the death of the world’s oldest woman, Edna Parker, who lived to be 115. Also of import in November of 2008, the Washington State Cougars beat the Washington Huskies in the Apple Cup, 16-13 in double overtime. Why was that important? It was the Cougars’ last win in the Pac 10 conference. Since then, for 16 straight games, WSU has lined up opposite a Pac 10 opponent and been beat down, bruised, bushwhacked, and bum rushed. Well, two years later, the country’s long national nightmare is over. If only Edna could have lived to 117, so she could have sung, with pride, “Win the day for Crimson and Gray!” (Note: she wouldn’t have.)
Onward
It had to happen to someone. In Corvallis, on a rainy, gloomy day, it happened to Oregon State. The Beavers lost to Washington State, 31-14, and it wasn’t even that close (the Cougs jumped on top by 21 and then cruised the rest of the way). It was ugly, and maybe the lowest point for the Beavers in a LONG time. They’ve lost three of the last four and are in danger of not making a bowl this season (after a brutal start to the season, the Beavers finish with USC, at Stanford, and at home against Oregon, needing to win two of those games to be bowl eligible). But this game belonged to the Cougs, who played GREAT from beginning to end. Tuel, QB for WSU, threw for 157 yards and rushed for 79, and looked all world against a suspect Beavers' defense. And WSU’s defense held Oregon State scoreless in the first half, the first time all season the Beav’s haven’t scored before halftime. Fingers are pointing, grumbling is being grumbled, and the disgruntled are getting more (or is that less?) gruntled…could be a long off-season for OSU.
Whew. That’s all I can really say after Oregon barely beat Cal, 15-13. Okay, I can say a bit more. This game worried me all week. Sure, Cal has lost some bad games, and yes, their wins have been suspect, but still, at home, they are completely different (the Jekyll and Hyde comparison was cliche' before I brought it up, but since then, everyone has stolen it and used it for whatever Pac 10 team deserves it that week). They win big at home. And their defense, statistically, is best in the Pac 10. And it just felt like that game, like the game back in 2007 when the number 2 Ducks went to Arizona and Dixon's knee blew up and they Ducks lost their Heisman hopeful and their national title hopes. This game was very similar. What wasn't similar was how the Ducks gutted it out. I know everyone will point to the closeness of the game, and how they barely won, but they won. Their offense was shut down, but their defense showed up, and after Cal missed their field goal to go ahead, Oregon kept the ball for NINE minutes, marching 65 yards in a clock-killing drive. So now we know that Oregon can win whatever way they need to. Hopefully they can do that for two more games.
Oregon wasn't the only top Pac 10 team to scuffle. Stanford went to ASU and squeaked by with a close win, 17-13. And won only when Luck drove the team down for a touchdown with 5 minutes left in the game. Maybe it's the heat, but seems like good teams go to ASU and barely win. And I may have said this before, in one of my previous years, but why the hell can't ASU be good at football? 4-6 overall, they need to beat UCLA and Arizona if they want to go to a bowl game. A few years ago, I went on a road trip to see the Ducks play at ASU, and honestly if I had gone to college there I would STILL be going to college there. The weather was awesome, girls were gorgeous, campus was nice. I just don't see why ASU isn't good year in and year out...why college football players don't flock there is a mystery bigger than the appeal of Justin Beiber.
Also, USC beat Arizona 24-21. Two big games for Arizona, to finally show they are the top echelon of the Pac 10, and both times they choke. It might have something to do with the fact that they have THE single most high-strung coach in all of college football. Mike Stoops makes kittens in a room full of rocking chairs look like the mellowest of stoner dudes. He flies off the handle at the smallest of provocations. I can just see him at home: "I wanted SEVEN croutons on this m&^*erfu*$ing salad! Does that look like SEVEN to you! SEVEN!!!!" If the team is an extension of their coach, the Arizona Wildcats collectively are going to explode during a game, which would be disgusting. Oooo, maybe they'll do it in Eugene! Note to self: bring camera and a change of clothes. No way am I driving home with Arizona Wildcat gore on my clothes. Ick.
UCLA and Washington had a bye.
Shout Outs
So, Notre Dame football. They won, beating suddenly spiraling Utah 28-3. Good for them. One more win and they are bowl eligible, also good for them. Two more and I think they're contractually obligated to be in a BCS bowl game. I may be wrong about that, though. I'll look it up. But a great game from Notre Dame, and I was actually feeling good for them...then I saw this. What....the....hell...is...this?
All I'll say is...that can't be okay, can it?
Augustana beat Illinois Wesleyan 20-17, clinching their 31st winning season in the last 32 years. That is really good. They finished 6-4 for the season. No bowl games, since Division 1 is the only crazy division that has bowl games, so looks like that's it for the Fighting Vikings. Another winning season is great, but boy would I like to write some stuff about the playoffs. Hopefully next year. Also hopefully next year, I move away from the theme of Augustana being like a high school team and come up with new material (I'm accepting suggestions, so hit me up if you've got something).
Recapper's Pac 10 Power Rankings
1. Oregon – No asterisk for a close win. 10-0 is still 10-0.
2. Stanford – They’re really good, and are going to get screwed out of a BCS bowl
3. USC – Okay, not dead. Not great, but not dead
4. Arizona – Great season is getting away from them in a hurry. Next up at Oregon
5. Cal – The most crazy up and down team in the conference almost beat the number one team in the country. Almost.
6. OSU – Dropping like a rock
7. ASU – Lost to USC and Stanford by a combined five points
8. UCLA – Beats OSU, gets all excited, and now everyone is beating the Beavs. Poor Bruins
9. WSU (in best Harry Carey voice) – Cougs win! Cougs win!
10. Washington – Because they suck
Ass Handers Award
Do I even need to say it?
Onward
It had to happen to someone. In Corvallis, on a rainy, gloomy day, it happened to Oregon State. The Beavers lost to Washington State, 31-14, and it wasn’t even that close (the Cougs jumped on top by 21 and then cruised the rest of the way). It was ugly, and maybe the lowest point for the Beavers in a LONG time. They’ve lost three of the last four and are in danger of not making a bowl this season (after a brutal start to the season, the Beavers finish with USC, at Stanford, and at home against Oregon, needing to win two of those games to be bowl eligible). But this game belonged to the Cougs, who played GREAT from beginning to end. Tuel, QB for WSU, threw for 157 yards and rushed for 79, and looked all world against a suspect Beavers' defense. And WSU’s defense held Oregon State scoreless in the first half, the first time all season the Beav’s haven’t scored before halftime. Fingers are pointing, grumbling is being grumbled, and the disgruntled are getting more (or is that less?) gruntled…could be a long off-season for OSU.
Whew. That’s all I can really say after Oregon barely beat Cal, 15-13. Okay, I can say a bit more. This game worried me all week. Sure, Cal has lost some bad games, and yes, their wins have been suspect, but still, at home, they are completely different (the Jekyll and Hyde comparison was cliche' before I brought it up, but since then, everyone has stolen it and used it for whatever Pac 10 team deserves it that week). They win big at home. And their defense, statistically, is best in the Pac 10. And it just felt like that game, like the game back in 2007 when the number 2 Ducks went to Arizona and Dixon's knee blew up and they Ducks lost their Heisman hopeful and their national title hopes. This game was very similar. What wasn't similar was how the Ducks gutted it out. I know everyone will point to the closeness of the game, and how they barely won, but they won. Their offense was shut down, but their defense showed up, and after Cal missed their field goal to go ahead, Oregon kept the ball for NINE minutes, marching 65 yards in a clock-killing drive. So now we know that Oregon can win whatever way they need to. Hopefully they can do that for two more games.
Oregon wasn't the only top Pac 10 team to scuffle. Stanford went to ASU and squeaked by with a close win, 17-13. And won only when Luck drove the team down for a touchdown with 5 minutes left in the game. Maybe it's the heat, but seems like good teams go to ASU and barely win. And I may have said this before, in one of my previous years, but why the hell can't ASU be good at football? 4-6 overall, they need to beat UCLA and Arizona if they want to go to a bowl game. A few years ago, I went on a road trip to see the Ducks play at ASU, and honestly if I had gone to college there I would STILL be going to college there. The weather was awesome, girls were gorgeous, campus was nice. I just don't see why ASU isn't good year in and year out...why college football players don't flock there is a mystery bigger than the appeal of Justin Beiber.
Also, USC beat Arizona 24-21. Two big games for Arizona, to finally show they are the top echelon of the Pac 10, and both times they choke. It might have something to do with the fact that they have THE single most high-strung coach in all of college football. Mike Stoops makes kittens in a room full of rocking chairs look like the mellowest of stoner dudes. He flies off the handle at the smallest of provocations. I can just see him at home: "I wanted SEVEN croutons on this m&^*erfu*$ing salad! Does that look like SEVEN to you! SEVEN!!!!" If the team is an extension of their coach, the Arizona Wildcats collectively are going to explode during a game, which would be disgusting. Oooo, maybe they'll do it in Eugene! Note to self: bring camera and a change of clothes. No way am I driving home with Arizona Wildcat gore on my clothes. Ick.
UCLA and Washington had a bye.
Shout Outs
So, Notre Dame football. They won, beating suddenly spiraling Utah 28-3. Good for them. One more win and they are bowl eligible, also good for them. Two more and I think they're contractually obligated to be in a BCS bowl game. I may be wrong about that, though. I'll look it up. But a great game from Notre Dame, and I was actually feeling good for them...then I saw this. What....the....hell...is...this?
All I'll say is...that can't be okay, can it?
Augustana beat Illinois Wesleyan 20-17, clinching their 31st winning season in the last 32 years. That is really good. They finished 6-4 for the season. No bowl games, since Division 1 is the only crazy division that has bowl games, so looks like that's it for the Fighting Vikings. Another winning season is great, but boy would I like to write some stuff about the playoffs. Hopefully next year. Also hopefully next year, I move away from the theme of Augustana being like a high school team and come up with new material (I'm accepting suggestions, so hit me up if you've got something).
Recapper's Pac 10 Power Rankings
1. Oregon – No asterisk for a close win. 10-0 is still 10-0.
2. Stanford – They’re really good, and are going to get screwed out of a BCS bowl
3. USC – Okay, not dead. Not great, but not dead
4. Arizona – Great season is getting away from them in a hurry. Next up at Oregon
5. Cal – The most crazy up and down team in the conference almost beat the number one team in the country. Almost.
6. OSU – Dropping like a rock
7. ASU – Lost to USC and Stanford by a combined five points
8. UCLA – Beats OSU, gets all excited, and now everyone is beating the Beavs. Poor Bruins
9. WSU (in best Harry Carey voice) – Cougs win! Cougs win!
10. Washington – Because they suck
Ass Handers Award
Do I even need to say it?
Monday, November 15, 2010
Pac 10 Recap, week 10, 2010
Let’s talk about geometry. Specifically, squares. More specifically, the square that makes up the interior of a port-a-potty. Would someone tell me why these places are such a horror show? I know that a lot of people go in there, and inherently, they do kind of disgusting things. But honestly, if you went to these people’s houses, would there just be human waste stuck to the seat, or used clumps of toilet paper stuck to the wall? And why can’t men use those little urinals? Sure, most of the guys that go in there are too drunk to aim much of anything, but still. Come on! It’s like a third-world slaughter house in there. And the smell is evocative of the very depths of hell. And trust me, do NOT use the Googles to find out the name of the liquid chemical they use to “break down” the waste. Some of the descriptions you’d find would make Stephen King a little freaked out. For example (and if you’ve eaten recently, say within the last week, skip to the “Onward” part): “the chemical for the holding or waste tank/waste cassette is to reduce gas build up and break down the solids into slurry for easy disposal.” Slurry! Gah! (Grossest opening to a Recap EVER!)
Onward
The game of the weekend was between Top 15 foes Stanford and Arizona, at “The Farm” (so called because, once, the Stanford campus used to be...wait for it...a farm. Other clever nomenclature: The Big Game (the game against Cal), The City (that'd be San Francisco), The CoHo (short for The Coffee House), and The Mem Aud (short for, and there's no way you'll get this one, The Memorial Auditorium). Anyway, while the students might be lacking in cleverness, the football team does not lack for footballness, as the Cardinal (the color, not the bird!) took it to Arizona, manhandling them 42-17. It's now obvious that there are two really really good teams in the Pac 10 and then everyone else.
So, is it possible for a team to play really badly and still win by 37? Yes. Is it possible to not seem like a jerk for grousing about how badly the team played, when they won by 37? No. Unfortunately, that's the cross I have to bear as the Ducks sucked for at least a half of football, but still beat Washington 53-16. Flat after a big win, the Huskies' defense just played great, bad officiating, whatever the reason, the Ducks looked really bad. Hell, one of the guys I have season tickets with bellowed out a frustrated "Gosh!" in the second half, something he hasn't done all season (and scandalizing the 93 year old woman who sits in her sequined Duck hat, two rows in front of us). But I will acknowledge that complaining, at all, about a 37 point win makes me a bit of a jerk. As if that was in any doubt.
Unlike last week, a lot of this week's games were quite close. For example, USC hosted ASU and only won by 1, 34-33. Keep in mind that this is the same USC that everyone thought could knock off the Ducks. And they hosted an ASU team that's now 2-4 in the Pac 10 and lost on the road to Cal 50 - 17. Remember that headache I was talking about? Yeah, it's back.
That same world-beater Cal team (at least when they're at home), went on the road to WSU and only won by 7, 20-13. WSU is the team that lost at ASU the week before, 42-0. The moral of the story is don't play on the road. The other moral of the story is that Cal is maybe the single most Jekyll and Hyde team of the Pac 10, winning all of their home games by a ton and losing all of their road games (until Saturday's win against the Cougs), mostly by a ton. So I don't know what to make of this team, and with Oregon going to Cal this weekend, I'm a little nervous. After their first flat game of the year, and a tough home team like Cal, this feels like the one weekend where things could finally go south for the Ducks.
Normally, I would have gone with the Civil War as the game I was most worried about, but that's dissipated a bit after the Beavers lost at UCLA, 17-14. Talk about moribund (I know we weren't, but we should, because moribund is a great word): the Beavs slept-walked through the whole game, gaining less than 300 total yards and only getting 63 yards rushing from Shrimpy. Remember when Shrimpy was going to be all-world, was a pre-season Heisman pick, was going to be the greatest running back to ever play at OSU? Saturday he carried 14 times. He had no touchdowns. How does a team with such a talented running back only give him the ball 14 times? I know their offensive line is a bit suspect, but come on. That's terrible. The natives are getting a bit restless...in fact, I've read and heard a few people grumbling about Mike Riley and his coaching job. Which this time last year would have been blasphemy. Didn't OSU give Riley an open-ended, "lifetime" contract just last off season? Maybe this season will age Riley quicker, because otherwise, Beaver fans may be stuck with the guy. For another 20 years.
Shout Outs
Notre Dame had a bye. Phew.
Well, we've come to the low point for Augustana football, at least this year (all time low point was when Mrs. Henderson forgot about Billy's peanut allergy and added peanut butter to the brownies for the '03 Bake Sale. Poor Billy blew up like a balloon). For those of you that follow Augustana closely (hello, nobody), you'd know that there's been one thing you can count on each and every season (okay, two...we know that Tommy's dad will bring him to practice late every day...such a deadbeat): Augustana will beat Elmhurst College. For the last 31 years (23 games in a row), the Viking's have beaten down the Bluejays. Well, on Saturday, in lovely Elmhurst (town slogan: The World Next Door, which seems like it'd be loud for the neighbors), the Bluejays whipped up on the Vikings, and Elmhurst crushed Augustana, 35-21. Finally, the long nightmare for 31 year old and younger Elmhurst fans is over.
Recapper's Pac 10 Power Rankings
1. Oregon – Played badly, won by 37
2. Stanford – Not only second best in the conference, but one of the best teams in the country. If Stanford wins out and doesn't make a BCS bowl, that's a travesty
3. Arizona – Clearly below the top two teams...unless they beat Oregon in Eugene in a few weeks
4. USC - Only 3-3 in the Pac 10, but they play great offensively...too bad their defense sucks it
5. OSU - .500 overall, winning record in the Pac 10, but have lost to Washington and UCLA and it really feels like the wheels are coming off. Doesn't help that they finish with USC, Stanford and Oregon
6. Cal - Despite all of their issues, they are 5-4 overall and 3-3 in the conference. Beat Oregon and they're bowl eligible and, well, big jerks
7. ASU - Playing better, but not that much better
8. UCLA - Big win at home, still with a shot at a bowl, surprisingly
9. Washington - Bad
10. WSU – Really bad. Still like them to win Apple Cup, but I'm liking the pick less and less
Ass Handers
Washington came in to Autzen and faced a Duck team that played their worst game of the season. Held them to 0 first quarter points. And lost by over 5 touchdowns. 'Nuff said.
Recapper at Large
For the last four years, I've been sending out an email to an ever growing list of people, recapping Pac 10 football games. And as I've done it, and as the list of people that get the email grows, one of the things I'm constantly asked is...why don't you do a blog? I never really had a good answer, so four years later, I'm beaten down. Blog it is.
I'll do more than Recaps, especially since the season is winding down. I'll throw out whatever I feel like, and try to be insightful, funny, and interesting. I'll talk about what I like, which is generally college sports, baseball, books, history, current events, my new puppy (bitey little son of a bitch), and whatever else I feel compelled to share. I'll try to stay away from politics and other hot-button issues, if only because I prefer, at least in this format, not to be too polarizing.
So that's what I got right now. I'll post the Recap from last week, and in a day or so, the one I just did. After that, who knows.
I'll do more than Recaps, especially since the season is winding down. I'll throw out whatever I feel like, and try to be insightful, funny, and interesting. I'll talk about what I like, which is generally college sports, baseball, books, history, current events, my new puppy (bitey little son of a bitch), and whatever else I feel compelled to share. I'll try to stay away from politics and other hot-button issues, if only because I prefer, at least in this format, not to be too polarizing.
So that's what I got right now. I'll post the Recap from last week, and in a day or so, the one I just did. After that, who knows.
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