Before I sign off for good, let me introduce your new Recapper, the Pac 12 Recapper, who, unfortunately for most of you, is actually still me. That’s right, I shamelessly manipulated you into all collectively thinking “Noooo…don’t go!” (or, “Finally! Let’s get someone who can write these better, like my cat!”) all so I can inflate my meager ego.
So…thanks for being manipulated. I’d like to say I’ll never do it again, but that’s a lie.
A few changes to go over before I dive in. First, no more Shout Outs. Quite simply, I’ve run out of ways to humorously compare Augustana football to Pee Wee football. There are only so many bake sale jokes I can churn out, and I passed that milestone about two years ago. So anyone still interested in Augustana football can visit www.crayola.com/cutelittlefootballleague, the official site of CCIW football, brought to you by Crayola (“The Color of Football! ™”). Okay, I guess I had one more joke in me. Also, while I quite enjoy piling on to Notre Dame football, I’m…oh, who am I kidding, I’ll keep doing that. But I’ll also throw out a pithy comment or two in a smaller , cleverly titled Other Stuff section about other stuff I noticed. I’ll also bring back the completely arbitrary rankings, now bonus sized and without regard to reason.
It’s a new era in recapping, and what with all the noise of MORE teams joining the Pac 12, this could turn into a full time job. Which is good, since my full time job could turn into…not a job. But enough of that…as they say, Onward….
I had a lot of people ask me why I didn’t do a preseason, um, precap (is that a word?). Anyway, I did think about it, a lot, but to tell you the truth, after all the godawful news that came out of the offseason, I wasn’t sure I could write anything that bleak. It seemed like every week, there was some story about one school or another talking to the wrong person, recruiting the wrong player, tattooing themselves for the wrong price (in most cases, the price was free), selling something they shouldn’t, or, in the case of Miami, doing just about everything wrong a single college program could do. So while I thought about writing what would amount to a eulogy for college football, I decided instead to skip it and focus on the games instead.
And those games started this weekend. So, here I am.
Let’s just get this out of the way up front, so I can establish some credibility (ha!): LSU was and is quite a bit better than the Ducks at football. One could argue (or rationalize, depending on your point of view) that bad turnovers and a costly suspension of a key player (someone tell me what kind of world we live in when driving 118 miles per hour at 4 am while high is cause for suspension…I mean, really, if that’s all it takes to get suspended, we’d ALL be suspended) were the reasons they lost, but the truth is, the SEC has bigger players that are just as fast. So the Ducks lose to LSU 40 – 27 and now, according to the press, are a) absolutely out of any national title chase and b) have no hope of any player winning the Heisman. In this world of new Ducks prominence, that’s a big disappointment…three years ago, that’d be less surprising than me typing a run-on sentence. Just sayin’.
As bad as it was to be a Duck fan, imagine what it’d be like to be part of Beaver Nation. Here, I’ll make it easier for you to imagine…you’re six, your parents promised you a trip to Disneyland and a lollipop, but a meteor just crashed into your house, killing your parents, destroying Disneyland forever, and wiping all lollipops off the face of the Earth. Beaver Nation should feel just a bit worse than that.
Being the intrepid Recapper that I am, I searched high and low to find a way to watch the Beaver game (short of going to Corvallis…I may be intrepid, and dedicated, but even I have my limits). I scanned through all 900 of my channels…nothing (although I did get caught up for a bit in some Lifetime movie (by the way, men are creeps)). Then in all honesty, I swear I am not making this up, I watched something called a “Live Chat.” That was a bit south of compelling, but I finally did find a link to a site that was broadcasting the game live. So while I’ll probably end up with quite a few questionable credit card charges, I watched the game on the Series of Tubes. Which, in hindsight, is something I’d pay good money to unsee. It was ugly, as OSU had to COME FROM BEHIND against Division 2, middle-of-the-pack Sacramento State (note: Sacramento is not a state). The Beavs did come from behind, but ultimately, in overtime, lost as the Hornets (that’s the Sacramento State mascot…scary!) converted a two point conversion and won 29-28. Also, OSU benched their starting QB at half-time. Also, they let one of their suspended players play anyway, putting a dent into that “moral high-ground, stone-throwing" attitude that permeates press coverage of the team and some of their more strident fans. Also, next week they face highly-ranked Wisconsin, on the road. So…yeah, could be better.
The whole weekend was a mixed bag for the Pac 12. First, it wouldn’t be college football without a quarterback at UCLA getting hurt, and that’s just what happened. Coach Rick Neuheisel, who apparently has a seat that is quite hot, trotted out starting QB Kevin Prince, who promptly got a concussion. I don’t know about you, but this is feeling REALLY familiar. As was the outcome: UCLA lost to Houston 38-34. Kirk Herbsteit, one of my wife’s MANY "television boyfriends," picked the Ducks to win the National Championship and picked UCLA to win the newly formed Pac 12 South. Seriously, he gets PAID to say stuff like that. What a rip-off.
Also, Colorado got to go to Hawaii. And they got to lose to Hawaii (not the state, the football team) 34-17. Most of you probably don’t know (and if you did know…seriously, get a life) that Colorado hasn’t won a road game since 2007 (!). 2007 was the first year of the iPhone! Back in 2007, George Bush was still president! That’s like, the olden days. Awfully glad we’ll have Colorado to kick around…your Recapper needed to lay off the Cougs this season.
So that’s it for the Pac 12 teams that lost, interestingly, and I type interestingly, because based on most of the national press coverage, the Pac 12 ate crap all weekend. But, I must admit, a few of the wins come with caveats. For example: USC beat Minnesota, 19-17, but had to have herculean performances by their QB and WR, and only then, barely held on to win. Washington only beat lowly Eastern Washington by 3, 30-27. And WSU pulverized Idaho State, 64-21, but in the process, lost their starting QB to a broken collarbone, a bone that I'm guessing would be useful if one were a quarterback. I mean, I'm no doctor, but seems likely. Anyway, he's out for 6 to 8 weeks. 8 weeks from now, I'll be beginning my hunger strike to prepare for the Thanksgiving Gorge Fest; in other words, a long time from now.
Then there was the parade of Pac 12 teams that beat up lower division teams: Utah beat Montana State 27-10, Arizona State beat UC Davis 48-14, Arizona beat Northern Arizona 41-10, and Stanford beat the holy hell out of San Jose State 57-3.
Finally, Cal beat Fresno State (note: Fresno is not a state, and is barely a city) 36-21. I have no interesting comments to make here.
Other Stuff
Despite the Lord’s best efforts, throwing TWO huge thunderstorms down on South Bend, Notre Dame lost to South Florida 23-20. This marks year 100 in a row that the media has said, “Notre Dame is back! This is their year.” There’s a LOT I could say about Notre Dame, but I’ll hold off, because it’s a LONG season, so I’ll leave it at that.
What’s amazing is that the Notre Dame game wasn’t the only game postponed by Lordly interference. Two other games were actually cancelled because of the storms. They just…stopped. I know that I sat through a truly biblical storm last year at Tennessee, but geez…. I don’t want to get all political, but this climate change thing needs to be fixed if only because it’s mucking up my football.
Arbitrary Pac 12 Power Rankings (AP12PR, for short)
1. Stanford – sure, smoked a D2 school, but man, did they smoke them
2. ASU - also beat a D2 school by a lot
3. Arizona - ditto
4. Cal - see above
5. WSU - ditto, but lost a QB, so down a bit
6. Utah - welcome to the party, pal! (what movie?)
7. USC - barely beat a "rebuilding" Minnesota
8. Washington - barely beat a D2 school
9. Oregon - lost at a "neutral site" to a really good SEC school
10. UCLA - lost on the road to a Conference USA school with a really good QB
11. Colorado - hasn't won a road game since a "tea party" was an actual party where tea was served
12. OSU - pretty much didn't do a single thing right
Ass Handers Award
Goes without saying, but I'll say it. Oregon State, welcome to the first ever Pac 12 Ass Handers Award.
