So here's week 2 of the recap from last year's thrilling inaugural Pac 12 season:
Week 2
Sorry for the delay...my dog ate my...um, internet access.... Funny how that whole "dog at my ___" excuse is probably going to disappear completely from the lexicon within the next ten years. Kids will just beam their homework from their iPads directly to the teacher's laptop hard-drive. Technology! Making it harder for kids to get away with stuff!
The Pac 12 gets a lot of lip on the national stage for not being a strong conference. But Oregon got beat on a "neutral" field by number 4 ranked LSU, Arizona played 8th ranked Oklahoma State, in Oklahoma, Oregon State "played" 7th ranked Wisconsin, in Wisconsin, and ASU played 22nd ranked Missouri. Granted, the Pac 12 went 1 and 3 in those games. But look at the SEC: Georgia played Boise State, LSU played Oregon, and Alabama played ranked Penn State (ranked because Penn State lives in that old-timers wistful, when football was FOOTBALL world of Notre Dame and Michigan). Of those, only Georgia lost, but Penn State sucks and Oregon was probably a bit too highly ranked. My point is (and admittedly, I'm not necessarily backing this up with facts), the Pac 12 PLAYS people. They'll go on the road and face tough early season opponents. And the Pac 12 doesn't really have patsies (although Oregon State is certainly trying out for the part). The two biggest recent national Pac 12 games, Oregon v. Auburn and Oregon v. LSU didn't go the way of the Pac 12, but Auburn was number 1 and LSU was number 4. It's not like they're losing to mediocre teams. I still think Stanford, Oregon, and maybe ASU this year beats half the SEC head to head. My point is, this national reputation thing is garbage, but since the worst part of college football is the "beauty pageant" mentality, the Pac 12 is either going to have to win those big games or stop scheduling them (like the SEC).
Onward
The best Pac 12 game of the week was ASU beating Missouri 37-30 in overtime. They went with the "black out" theme in the stands, in which everyone there drank an INCREDIBLE amount of alcohol, threw up, were grossly inappropriate, and then collectively passed out (checking the internet to see if that's true...and it's not. Apparently they all just wore black shirts. Is it sharing too much to say I've done the former black out WAY WAY more times than the latter? Yes? Okay, moving on). Mizzou, as they like to be called (not Missou, though, because that makes sense, whereas Mizzou does not), actually came roaring back in the fourth quarter and tied the game with under three minutes left, but they missed a late field goal to win and the game went to overtime. And ASU scored on a touchdown from their gigantic QB (seriously...he's six feet eight inches tall and 240 pounds. 6'8"! 240! And he's a quarterback! I can't stop using exclamation points!). Said QB is named, of course, Brock (you can't be 6'8" and 240 pounds and be named Randy...of course at 6' 8" and 240 pounds, some would argue who could be named whatever he wanted and it wouldn't matter) threw for 353 yards and 3 touchdowns. So he sucks.
Arizona, coached by Grumpy McLockjaw, went to Stillwater, Oklahoma (on purpose) and got shellacked by the Oklahoma State Cowboys 37-14. While Arizona's QB (6'5" 240 pounds, named Nick...I'm seeing a trend) threw it around the field, the Wildcats couldn't run the ball at all, amassing 41 total rushing yards. That's lousy. In the post-game news conference, Arizona's coach threw two chairs, uttered 173 curse words (in two minutes...a record if those sumbitches at Guinness weren't such prudes), beat up a reporter (for Highlights magazine, too...reportedly the kid will be okay) and then lit fire to the team bus. Arizona school President Pushover McLooktheotherway issued a strongly worded written reprimand from his secure, undisclosed location.
USC beat new Pac 12 team Utah 17-14, and then beat new Pac 12 team Utah 23-14. Confused? Yeah, me too. See what happened was that at the end of the game, as Utah was driving, trailing by 3, the Utes lined up for a field goal. USC blocked it and one of the players ran it back for a score, while the USC players on the sideline ran onto the field (because at this point in USC's program, hanging on for a 3 point (or 9 point) win, at home, against UTAH, is HUGE). Apparently running onto the field during game action is a flaggable offense, so the refs threw the flag, assessed a penalty and the game ended, 17-14. Las Vegas began paying out to everyone that picked Utah to cover the spread. Then the Pac 12 decided that the returned blocked field goal should have counted as a touchdown and that USC won 23-14. So Las Vegas found the guys they paid off, broke their knee caps, took all their winnings, told them not to talk to the police OR ELSE, then paid off USC fans who picked them to cover. Meanwhile, the Pac 12 has entered Witness Protection, because Vegas is so mad at them, and they will now be referred to as Harvey Schmidt and they run a small hardware store someplace in the Midwest. So for the rest of the year, you can look forward to the Harvey Schmidt Recap (on Tuesday, Harvey ran out of leaf blowers, because of the unusually strong winds in ______, _____).
So...WSU...let's talk. I know I've been really rough on you lately, but you've made it so damn easy. The last two years have been dark ones, to say the least. Moral victories when you can keep a team from scoring 100 points. Starting guys at running back that hadn't played football since the fourth grade. Ranking so low in most statistical categories that statistics started getting mad at you. But, 2011...I mean, come on. 64-21 over Idaho State? 59-7 over UNLV (a school most of us have actually HEARD of)? What's going on, guys? You're making me a bit nervous. Sure, we have Colorado to kick around (haven't won a road game since the invention of roads), but this isn't like you at all. Even statistics like you now: 6th overall in passing yards (overall in the COUNTRY, not just in Pullman, Washington), 27th in rushing, 1st in points scored, 24th in points against. This is freaking me out, okay? So stop it. I know you face San Diego State (San Diego of course, not a state...why can't they get that right?) and Colorado, so the likelihood of 4-0 is strong (the first 4-0 start for WSU since the invention of the numbers 4 and 0), but I don't like it. It seems too weird, and will make me face other weird things, like the world ending in 2012, or my creepy neighbor that does naked yoga in his backyard (um, sir? Would you stop that? You're making my kids cry). So, please, make the world right again and start losing once in a while. Sincerely, your Harvey Schmidt Recapper.
There's an old saying in football that if you have two starting quarterbacks, you actually have zero starting quarterbacks. Oregon State is working extra hard to reaffirm that old adage. The Beavs went to Madison, Wisconsin (on purpose) and got boat-raced, 35-0. In the course of the game, Ryan Katz started at QB, was in for three plays (three plays!) and then was replaced by the other starting QB, the handsomely named Sean Mannion (6'5", 218). Mannion threw for a robust 244 yards with no touchdowns or interceptions. So you can see why he plays so much. I'm not one to question a head coach (hahahaha), but what the hell is Mike Riley doing? Pick a guy, play the guy, lose the games, and go home and have dinner. Just quit with the jerking the two kids around. What he's going to do is kill both player's confidence (or is that confidences?), they're going to lose a lot anyway, and then he'll have to rebuild whichever guy he chooses going into next year. This Beaver team is young, not very deep, and not that great. If it's a rebuilding year, fine, then rebuild. But what he's doing with the QBs right now makes it seem like Riley is either a) losing his marbles or b) has already lost his marbles. And you need marbles to be a good coach. Ask anyone (well, not Riley...anyone else).
The Ducks invited Nevada to Autzen to be a cupcake and get their butts kicked. Nevada got their butts kicked 69-20.
Cal barely beat Colorado, Washington only sort of beat Hawai'i, UCLA took care of San Jose State, and Stanford beat up Duke in the Brainy Bowl.
Other Stuff
If you did not see the end of the Michigan v. Notre Dame game, good lord did you miss some exciting football. Now, yes, Notre Dame and Michigan are those programs that everyone loves because a long time ago they were relevant, and yes, I kind of hate them both, and yes, they wore "throw back" uniforms even though they've NEVER changed their uniforms, and yes, the "playing under the lights" thing was an artifice to bring in viewers (Michigan had never played a night game at home...never. Which would be amazing if they didn't have, you know, lights...if they wanted to make it really cool, they should have just played in the dark). So yes, all of that is fine (also of note, neither team is that good), but that fourth quarter was AWESOME. I was at a picnic (on the hottest day of the year...I sat in a chair and sweated for three hours, which was bad for me, but even worse of the chair) and caught some of the fourth quarter on the radio on the way home. Then, and I'm not making this up, the family and I run into the house, turn on the game, and all four of us watched the last four minutes and we were yelling and cheering and high-fiving each other at every play...and I HATE Notre Dame. But it was back and forth, one busted offensive play after another, last second scores, last half-second scores, crazy catches, and a crowd that was going NUTS. After the game was over and Michigan had won (on a crazy catch with 2 second left) 35-31, no one in the stands would leave. It was SO cool and reaffirms why I love the sport so much. Sure, there's SO many things wrong with it, but like your drug-addicted sibling who keeps stealing your pets to sell for drugs, you still can't stop loving him/her. And this game reminded me that college football is my drug-addicted sibling (no offense to my actual sibling).
APHSPR (Arbitrary Harvey Schmidt Power Rankings)
1. Stanford - really good so far, although Duke is not much of a football school
2. ASU - Impressive home win against ranked Mizzou
3. WSU - I don't know if it's the competition, or if WSU is just really good, but numbers don't lie
4. USC - 2-0, but barely
5. Cal - 2-0, but barely
6. Washington - 2-0, but barely
7. Oregon - cupcakes are yummy
8. UCLA - 1-1, coach on the hot seat, but .500 is better than .000 (see, I am good at math)
9. Utah - Lost a heartbreaker to USC
10. Arizona - got their asses kicked by ranked school...haven't beaten a D1 school in six tries
11. Colorado - almost beat Cal
12. OSU - almost beat Sacramento State
Ass Handers Award
I know a few people I work with that went to OSU, so while I'm not really a fan of the football team, I've always tried to temper my feelings (and not always successfully, they'd argue) out of respect for them. Which is why I don't think they've ever gotten two Ass Handers in a row. But losing 35-0 is a beat down, no matter how I feel about a team. And since they lost by more than any other Pac 12 team, they get the award again. Fortunately, the streak ends at two, as next week they will certainly do well against Bye Week.
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