Week 3
As you know, I've been an ardent supporter of the Pac 12 in this space (I would imagine some of you have heard QUITE enough about that, thank me very much). Why, even last week, I wrote a barely correct argument against the Pac 12's shoddy national reputation. But, I'm afraid to say, after this weekend, I really have nothing to say other than...I was wrong. Pac 12 collectively sucks it. Now, sure, I would have been better off making this argument last week, because this week, the Pac 12 mostly won, but when you're winning games against Missouri State and something called Presbyterian and Colorado State, and losing big against Nebraska and Texas (no shame in those) and San Diego State (um) and Illinois, it's hard to make an argument for greatness. At best, the Pac 12 is inconsistent. At worst...not sure it's good at all. The next few weeks will be telling, as conference play starts, so I reserve the right to say stupidly outlandish and knee-jerky things in the future, but for now, my money is on Stanford in the Rose Bowl and then bitching about the rest of the Pac 12's bowl affiliations. Maybe it'll get better when the conference expands to 16 or 20 or whatever...if they could get an NFL team to join, that would really help the conference's profile.
Onward
The one big game inside the conference was between Stanford and Arizona, in the desert, under the lights (cliche alert!). Stanford, picked by many to be the champion of the new Pac 12, went on the road for its first big test of the season. Of course, as we know, this is Arizona we're talking about, and if anything is true about Arizona it's this: don't believe what anyone ever says about them. They're good? Okay, go on the road and get smushed against Oklahoma State. Boy, are they bad...run off seven straight wins to open the season. I guess the only thing different about this team this year is that they're imploding early...usually they don't implode until the pressure of playing for Bulgey McNeckveins for half a season gets to be too much. So perhaps Flying McSpittle is extra fly off the handley because of the increasing heat on his seat (as in, people might be getting sick of how intense he is, especially now that they don't win very much). In this particular game, it was close for a bit, and then Stanford pulled way ahead and won comfortably, 37-10. Arizona's crappy offensive line (they can't run the ball AT ALL) will probably doom them to a pretty bad season, and then we should see what the combination of really hot seat and really hot-headed coach produces...just make sure you wear a hazmat suit.
I'm going to go out on a limb (brace yourselves) and say that UCLA is not good. I know, I know, I'm a bold proclamator (not a word), but I think it's true. Two things led me to this: they suck on offense and they suck on defense. They hosted a rebuilding Texas (I know it's Texas, but they're starting new quarterbacks and new WRs and are just generally a young team). Whereas UCLA is starting oft-injured QBs and wide-receivers that might be allergic to the materials they use to make footballs. Texas beat UCLA, in LA, 49-20. Coach Neuheisel (a hard name to spell, by the way...isn't it I before E except after C?) has officially asked to have his name changed to Rick "Hot Seat" Neuheisel, which is a better nickname than most of the fans have given him...like "*&%$&!" and "$*%*+!" and "Poopy Face" (even the little kids have turned against him). I wouldn't be surprised if, say they lose at OSU by a lot next week, that Hot Seat actually gets the ejector seat mid-season (man, that's clever).
The only other game of import this weekend was Nebraska against Washington. In a weird quirk (and showing how stupid bowl games are), Washington hosted Nebraska last year and got smoked. Then in some goofy bowl last season (too lazy to look it up), Washington beat the Huskers. So Saturday's game turned out to be the third meeting in 364 days (someone said that on the radio...I didn't look it up...too lazy). And third time was a charm for Nebraska. Huskers won in a shootout, 51-38. So obviously the vaunted Black Shirt defense that Nebraska used to be famous for is no more, but then, the Huskies left their defense back in Seattle, so it didn't matter what color shirts the Huskers defense wore. The UW quarterback seems like he might be really good, so I look forward to him going from under-rated to rated to over-rated by the time he's almost done with his junior year.
Hey, Washington State...thanks for listening to me. Last week, I asked them to start losing again because I feared for the safety of the world. Well, apparently I have MUCH more pull than I thought, because WSU went to mighty San Diego State and got beat, 42-24. Now sure, SDSU is 3-0 after that win, and they did beat Army (at football, not at war...not as impressive, but still), but they are still only San Diego State. They play in the Mountain West Conference, home to insufferable Boise State and not much else (TCU's last season in the Mountain West is this season, then they go to the suddenly not so good Big East...so confusing). I'm not ready to say it's a bad loss and Washington State seems to have a pretty dang good quarterback and at least one good wide receiver, but, like Arizona, can't really run the ball. Not sure what to make of that mini-trend, other than it probably doesn't bode well for winning. But anyway, very excited that I was able to make WSU lose...it's an awesome power, now I must use it responsibly. Like...dear random old rich person...I'm pretty sure I'm a long lost relative of yours...so you might want to update your will (I'll let you know what happens on that).
So Arizona State being good didn't pan out for them. The Sun Devils got beat by the Fightin' Illini of Illinois 17-14. Apparently the Sun Devils quarterback, Gigantor (note: not his real name), was sacked six times and threw two picks. I don't know how they got Gigantor down six times; I'm assuming the Big 10 allows construction equipment on the field. I just keep picturing Tom and Jerry cartoons when I imagine Gigantor getting sacked. Physics defying acts where the players float a few inches off the ground with a pool cue and, still getting full leverage, whacking the crap out of Gigantor's knees. Probably not how it happened, but without watching a LOT of SportsCenter, I can't confirm or deny.
Cupcake feasts happened in Eugene, where the Ducks beat Mizzouri State 56-7 and in San Francisco (Cal plays at the Giants baseball stadium as their piece of crap home stadium finally gets worked on) where Cal squashed something called Presbyterian 63-12. Not quite as cupcakey, but USC beat Syracuse 38-17 and Colorado beat arch-rivals Colorado State 28-14. And finally, Utah beat BYU 54-10.
OSU got by bye by going with an 11-man quarterback rotation, playing all of them at once and basically playing organized Keep Away. We'll see how that works next week against an actual football team.
Other Stuff
Notre Dame beat 15th ranked Michigan State and qualified for a BCS bowl. Ha, okay, not really. But, they did. Now that they won, we can stop feeling bad for them and go back to not liking them again.
Speaking of insufferable, Boise State really bugs the crap out of me. We're at week three of the season, Boise has played TWO games (against an over-rated Georgia team and an average Toldeo team) and we're already being subjected to teeth-gnashing and hand ringing over how poor Boise State (note...NOT A STATE) will be left out of the national championship picture. That's because Boise is about to enter league play...and the Mountain West makes the Pac 12 look like the NFL. Seriously, they play Nevada, Air Force, Wyoming, New Mexico, UNLV. That's a preseason schedule, not a conference schedule. Well, yeah, Recapper (people would say), they can't help their schedule, they just play who they have and beat them. Sure, Recapper would answer, but it's still a TERRIBLE schedule. Yeah, Recapper would continue, their QB is really good...but try telling Recapper that they'd put up video game numbers week in and week out if they faced a schedule like Arizona's: Oklahoma State, Stanford, Oregon, USC. Boise plays one or two big games ALL SEASON. Arizona played four big games in a ROW. Boise State, their fans, and the media are annoying as hell about what's fair and isn't. What's not fair is that everyone treats Boise State like a legitimate national power when they play cream puffs all year.
Also, hey, weather. We talked about this. Quit ruining football. One game ended after the third quarter and the Oklahoma State v. Tulsa game was delayed almost 3 hours and started AFTER midnight local time. That's nuts. So knock it off, stupid weather.
Pac 12 Power Rankings
1. Stanford - After soundly beating Arizona, clearly the best of the Pac 10 right now
2. USC - Still undefeated, will be interesting to see them play someone good now
3. Cal - Same as USC
4. Oregon - Got healthy against cupcakes (wouldn't that be great if it happened in real life, too?). Big test at Arizona next week
5. Washington - Good offense, no defense, got beat by superior team
6. ASU - Exposed on the road
7. WSU - Now comes real competition...will be interesting to see how much they've improved
8. Utah - Hurt by the one conference loss
9. Arizona - Halfway through murder's row (one of the worst of the rows)
10. Colorado - As long as they don't have to go on the road...
11. UCLA - So not good
12. OSU - Still without a win, but a good chance to move up: they face UCLA next weekend
Ass Handers
Mathematically, and by all the other 'callys, UCLA sucked the worst this weekend, losing by 29...and it wasn't even that close. So, congrats, here's the Ass.
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